when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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