i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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