the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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