I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
