if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think a kid would responsible me up
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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