wrigley field is MILF paradise
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize