He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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