Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize