Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
