So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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