my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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