it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
