don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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