she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
