We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
