my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
