You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
