i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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