I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
