I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
