please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
