I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
