Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
