I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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