Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
