so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Alive.
So much puke
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize