how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
