community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't deserve a penis
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
