You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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