Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
