HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
