I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
