do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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