i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Houston, we have a squirter
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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