The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize