you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
