just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
