One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
