I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
