True but thats because hes a fetus.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize