After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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