why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
