My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
