I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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