I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You may now shotgun with the bride
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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