You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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