Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
