all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
