Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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