from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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