I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
