I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
