thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
