i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
