The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
