this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
