the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
