I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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