just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
