I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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