Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
