Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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