he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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