I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
