i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
