i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
