your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
