Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
