I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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