Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
