If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
