allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
