Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize