Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
did i walk over a car last night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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