Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
