I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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